I must have missed the Safeway flyer excitedly declaring Friday afternoon, free-rubdown-by-other-shoppers Day.
If you’re standing behind me in any lineup for anything, keep your distance. That constantly treadmilling counter will not suddenly stop, your items for purchase will make it to the scanner. There is no need to sashay up behind me and throw yourself and your avocados towards the check-out guy. There is also no need to stand right beside your groceries while they are on this treadmill at all times. I’m not going to take your frozen pizza and I’m pretty sure it won’t run away. It is safe and you will be paying for it shortly. Stay calm, everything will be okay. Now back off and stop snuggling my backside. I need to stand in front of you in at least two lines before I’m comfortable with that kind of intimacy.