So there's this toilet paper and it claims to be "soft on the environment, soft on you" or something like that. Soft? Compared to a rock maybe. They should really ditch the "soft" marketing angle and go for something like: exfoliates your nether regions!
Yeah, that would work. Everyone walking around with that knowing smile :my bits are shiny because I exfoliate.
I have 9 rolls left. Now you know what's been giving me that undefinable confidence as of late.